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With this book virtually everywhere (which includes a hotel removing the bible in place of this) you can’t ignore it. There is way to much hype going on for this thing! It has been referred to as “mommy porn” which is probably because you can not only read it in front of your kids without them understanding it’s a dirty book but also because since it’s in the media so much people that would feel awkward about purchasing it are more adept to reading it because they feel that everyone is! If you don’t know what I’m talking about then the book is Fifty Shades of Grey. If you still don’t know then good. Don’t look into it, your one of the few that are safe from its snarl!

I haven’t exactly finished this book yet. There are also two other in the series after this one, but frankly let’s not get ahead of ourselves. That’s my disclaimer, you can agree to disagree and say since I haven’t finished it then I can’t say anything. Whatever, that’s a lie. I read more then enough! I’d like to keep my sanity.

The first thing about this book is the poor writing. The author tries sooo hard! It’s actually really frustrating. You can tell in the beginning she understand the importance of character development. She wants to create an attachment to some degree early in the book. She does a little over kill though. It becomes very repetitive. She over emphasizes how clumsy, low confidence, utter lack of sexual self esteem, and how socially awkward the main character, Anastasia Steele is. Her exact opposite counter part is Christian Grey. And I mean literally the exact opposite. He’s totally in control all the time, a complete control freak, he picks his words very carefully, always collected and looks professional. I understand that the whole polar opposites thing is suppose to be an important aspect in this book. Frankly though, no on is this extreme!

Now the author has trouble sticking with these character traits. You can tell, it’s very unnatural for anyone to be like that. She forgets what she set up just a page or two before. Now this Ana who was shy, clumsy, awkward, and thought she was in no means pretty has guys asking her out left and right! Her “beautiful” (according to her) room mate even tells her how gorgeous she is constantly. She has a close male friend that she knows for a fact wants to be with her. How uncharacteristic. I could understand one person telling her those things and not believing it, but when she’s constantly bombarded with it. It makes no sense that she is utterly clueless when it’s obvious she’s not.

Apart from the terrible character development the author also uses very forced language. Ana is suppose to be smart, educated, she’s just about to graduate from University! Problem is she uses common, simple language, which frankly is just like any other girl her age, that has the kind of job she has, that comes from the kind of background she comes from. Then the author inserts language, usually one word, here and there that are at a different level all together. It’s as if she looks for synonymous that sound more educated and just replaces them. If Ana used that language level all the time I wouldn’t think twice about it, but she doesn’t. Thus a huge feeling of the author forcing it.

Once you get to the first sex scene you’re already at the point that nothing is believable about these characters. They are too extreme so it is no surprise that their first sexual encounter is also just that. When he proposes his BDSM lifestyle to her she asks silly, child-like questions. Her immaturity is spewing out. Then he gets mad, then he’s not mad, then they go have sex. Her first time having sex. UGH, how unrealistic this sex is. Warning, I will spoil this moment for you if you haven’t read it.

So she hardly knows the guy but she’s in complete lust. That’s fine, it happens. He is unable to control himself when she bits her lip. Which is odd for a man that doesn’t have any emotions or facial expressions. But I digress. She’s the first person ever to be brought into his bedroom, and the first person he ever makes “love” to or has “vanilla” sex with. She has never masturbated before and obviously, since she’s soo innocent and naive. But he asked her to show him how she does it. Of course even if she had before she’d say no, they aren’t at that level of trust for a girl like Ana.

Down to the nitty gritty. He thrusts in her hard. And she melts immediately. Every time he touches her she’s about the climax. Then once they’re done the bed is covered in blood. But she didn’t feel a thing. Oh and then they sleep on top of the blood. Then in the morning they bath and go back to lie on top of the blood while he makes her climax easily again. The whole thing is a joke. Nothing about it is relate-able, and if you can relate to her experiences then you are some special person.

Frankly, while I tried to continue reading I just couldn’t. Nothing can be harder to read then a poorly written book with such unbelievable scenarios that are hidden in a veil of sex. Like we wouldn’t notice. If you value how much work it takes for a good author to pump out a book, you’ll find one of them and read their work. This was terrible. What a blatant shame to the industry.

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